“The age you experience trauma is the mental age you stay”
In my case, this might be true.
This might be why I like children's movies and TV shows. I hate drinking, unnecessary cussing, and smoking. I don’t get the reason people feel the need to change the way they are. Even if it’s just for a few hours.
I like doing pranks, something one might call “childish.”
Many of you don’t know but my mom passed when I was 11 years old. 11 is quite young for that to happen. That was the year I had just gotten my period, I was barely old enough to know how the world worked. Yet, I was forced to grow up. Not because of the pressures people put on me, but because I had to.
I now had only one parent, a parent who was only used to doing things with the help of another. I had just entered middle school so that was changing too. Everything was changing and I had to quickly adapt.
I wouldn’t say that I am happy my mom died but I am grateful at how it turned my focus to certain things. I now heavily pour into my relationships and I matured a lot quicker than others my age. I had to grow up whether I was ready or not and now I’m not ready.
I’m 22 years old and I just want to be a kid again. I don’t want to have bills and expenses, all I want to do is be coddled by my parents again. Yes, both of them. I want to wake up in my childhood home and be able to just exist without having any worldly stress: the stress of cleaning the house, having enough money to do the things I want, being happy in my work life but also balance relationships and attempt some sort of self care. But I don’t have the chance to do that. Take your chance to really be grateful for your parents before it’s too late.
I read this quote online or maybe it was a TikTok but it was “This is your parent’s first time living too.” and it’s so true. Just because your parents are older than you and have more wisdom doesn’t mean they have everything figured out. They’re having new experiences all the time too. I’m hoping this applies to me too. I feel like I have to always have everything figured out, I feel like the world always wants an answer for me. This is both mine and your reminder that it is okay to not have everything figured out.
What I’ve noticed is that no one has it figured out. When I was a kid I thought adults had it all together. Now that I’m an adult I realize that no one does. Everyone is just trying their hardest.
Try your hardest, have fun and allow yourself to tap into your childlikeness.
xo, Emma